life force

I called a new patient yesterday to make an appointment to come see him for the first time. His son answered the phone and, when I'd identified myself as a chaplain, he said they weren't religious. I assured him that was all right, that I would be coming to offer support. I've learned to avoid saying "spiritual support" when someone sounds that opposed. It tends to mean the same thing to most people, whether they're for it or ag'in it. I also try not to say, "That's not important," even though I mean it isn't important to me that he be religious for me to come visit. I don't want to go around saying religion isn't important, because that would be very offensive to many people, plus I don't believe that's true.

Anyway, after that short discussion he warned me that I needed to know the rules, that there were certain words they didn't use in their house. Well dumb me-- I didn't ask what they were! I thought he meant religious words, considering the rest of the conversation. I was pretty sure he didn't mean swear words, because it didn't seem likely that he'd think he'd have to warn me about those.

When I got there today it became apparent quickly, fortunately for me, that the patient is hoping to get better and that his son is fostering that hope by not using the words death, dying or the like.

I suspect the patient is not entirely fooled by this. When he told me how uncomfortable he'd been, how difficult it was to breathe (although he wanted to talk regardless,) I asked him if was good to be out of the hospital and at home. He was positive about that, but said he wasn't getting better. His son disagreed, said he was much better than last week, and at the same time made a gesture, hidden from his father, of a downward spiral.

I had noticed an restored old VW bug in the carport, and asked him if he did it himself. He began talking about it, and several others he and his son had done, and about other hobbies and jobs he'd had, which were many and varied. Several probably contributed to the asbestiosis that he's dying from.

The house they live in is small but immaculate, and very tastefully decorated with an up-to-date color scheme. The pots by the front window held, among other things, avocado and nectarine plants that they'd started from seed. The whole feel of the place, and the father-son relationship, was one of tender, loving care.

Later today I went to the office to preview a video about the need for caregivers to take care of themselves and some of the ways they can do it. The chaplains and social workers get together every Wednesday at noon to check out a video and discuss it.

We are a diverse group: two Adventists who have been there longest; me, an Episcopalian; a Methodist; and, the newest staff member, a Buddhist.

The film today was a good one and one we will purchase. Arlene, the social worker has been here longest, said she really liked it until the topics of Yoga and Qi Gong came up. She was sure many people would be offended by that, but thought there were several other valuable points concerning self care that came afterwards. She was afraid people would quit listening and miss them. I suppose she puts Yoga, Qi Gong, and "mindfulness" all in the fearsome category of New Age religion, and finds them, for herself, subjects to be avoided.

That she was actually offended by the Qi Gong, as she has been by several things the Buddhist has said, took me a little by surprise. It was the first time she has sounded defensive about her literal beliefs. She is probably offended by things I say too, now that I think about it. I did expect her, as a professional, to be open to other points of view, but I'm sorry if I've offended her.

The practicer of Qi Gong in the film talked about people getting in touch with their life force as she did the lovely, slow movements. She went on to talk about the importance of people becoming mindful of what they are doing rather than multi-tasking.

I asked Arlene if she couldn't visualize the Qi Gong as a kind of prayer, because, to a Christian, what else could it mean to get in touch with the life force? She seemed surprised by that, but thoughtful, and evidently accepted the possibility. She suggested we start a group for caregivers; but if we showed that film, she said I'd have to explain that part to make it palatable.

I think those two men I saw earlier were in touch with the life force, whether they know it or not.